Tomorrow is the last day of school and the first day of the end of my life.

The number of summer camps offered for un potty trained four year olds is, you guessed it... ZILCH. There is no way, and I mean NO WAY I am going to make it through this summer without some ingenuity and a buttload of hand sanitizer. As a coping strategy, I've decided to create my own summer camp series, just for the three of us. Below please find a brief summary of the weeks and their themes:

Week One: Craft Camp: Using Magic Erasers to scrub unidentified food matter out of grout
Week Two: Drama Camp: Let's face it, EVERY week is drama camp
Week Three: Dance Camp: Here's Just Dance 3, see you in four hours
Week Four: Science Camp: Using tweezers to reconstruct what the baby just puked up so we can call Poison Control
Week Five: Sweatpants and Chinese Food Camp: Speaks for itself, really
Week Six: Spanish Camp: 42 episodes of Dora a day for five days straight
Week Seven: Laundry Camp: Learning how to remove human fecal matter from clothing/upholstery/carpets
Week Eight: Soccer Camp: Whenever the World Cup is, we're just going to watch it all day/night
Week Nine: Field Trip Week: First we're going to Target, and then Bridget's diaper will explode in the Home Depot parking lot
Week Ten: School has probably already started, but I won't know for sure until I wait until August 29th to check the school district calendar

Fridays will be a special day with a cookout. We'll have hot dogs without buns because the bun on the end was moldy and I forgot to get more. Also, I don't really know how to grill, so we're having chicken nuggets.

Summer camp/nature/exercise/human contact/enrichment learning is overrated anyway.