Over the Moon? Or Under the Rear Bumper of a Sanitation Truck?

I always read that celebrities are “over the moon” when they have a baby.  What in the hell does that mean?  Because it sounds to me like they’re on drugs.  I was never “over the moon” as a new mom.  I was happy, sure.  Happy to know I wasn’t going to have to do THAT again for at least a few years.  Happy that I caught that spit up in my hand instead of blotting it off the couch.  But the only time I was ever “over the moon” was when I was literally baying at the moon at 3:00 in the morning and watching a Sham Wow infomercial for the 65^th time.  Oh yes, at that moment I was over it all right.

I think “over the moon” more likely refers to the alien planet on which you now permanently reside. You see bodily fluids straight out of Alien 3- and worse, you may even be excited to see them. Your darling husband has recently witnessed the most graphic and horrifying thing he could ever see, and yet he acted HAPPY about it.  You willingly let seven medical students examine your nether regions, because hey, they have to learn somewhere!  Yes, this must be an alternate universe.

In the end though, isn’t the point of this all just to remember all of the funny sh*t that happened?  All of the times you almost severely maimed your child but came out okay on the other side?  That’s what I’m over the moon about- free entertainment.  Unfortunately, these are the very stories that other moms want you to think make you a bad mom- and moms LOVE to judge.  So judge away, mamas!  Yes, that’s my toddler lying behind the trashcan stripping her clothes off IN the hockey rink!  And you know what?  I can’t seem to do anything about it but laugh!  And that’s fine- on MY side of the moon, we encourage letting unsafe/unsanitary situations play out for the sake of a good story.  Just as long as you’re up to date on your Tetanus shot. 

So hopefully from time to time I will have some offensive stories to tell- and as long as no one calls CPS, we can all continue to laugh at my ineptitude.  Welcome to my little slice of the insanity pie.