I always read that celebrities are “over the moon” when they
have a baby. What in the hell does
that mean? Because it sounds to me
like they’re on drugs. I was never
“over the moon” as a new mom. I
was happy, sure. Happy to know I
wasn’t going to have to do THAT again for at least a few years. Happy that I caught that spit up in my
hand instead of blotting it off the couch. But the only time I was ever “over the moon” was when I was
literally baying at the moon at 3:00 in the morning and watching a Sham Wow
infomercial for the 65th time.
Oh yes, at that moment I was over it all right.
I think “over the moon” more likely refers to the alien
planet on which you now permanently reside. You see bodily fluids straight out
of Alien 3- and worse, you may even be excited to see them. Your darling
husband has recently witnessed the most graphic and horrifying thing he could
ever see, and yet he acted HAPPY about it. You willingly let seven medical students examine your nether
regions, because hey, they have to learn somewhere! Yes, this must be an alternate universe.
In the end though, isn’t the point of this all just to
remember all of the funny sh*t that happened? All of the times you almost severely maimed your child but
came out okay on the other side?
That’s what I’m over the moon about- free entertainment. Unfortunately, these are the very
stories that other moms want you to think make you a bad mom- and moms LOVE to
judge. So judge away, mamas! Yes, that’s my toddler lying behind the
trashcan stripping her clothes off IN the hockey rink! And you know what? I can’t seem to do anything about it
but laugh! And that’s fine- on MY
side of the moon, we encourage letting unsafe/unsanitary situations play out
for the sake of a good story. Just
as long as you’re up to date on your Tetanus shot.
So hopefully from time to time I will have some offensive
stories to tell- and as long as no one calls CPS, we can all continue to laugh
at my ineptitude. Welcome to my
little slice of the insanity pie.
Haha, funny!
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