Fricking Fracking GAS.

I was on some website yesterday that had a poll about environmental issues. It was something along the lines of: "What is your single biggest concern about the environment?" and the usual suspects were there- global warming, water pollution, etc. I skimmed the list and saw "f@cking" was one of the choices. My first thought was "Hey, what consenting adults do in the bedroom is really their business..." until I realized it said FRACKING. Well played, poll, well played. Now you have my attention.

 I realized when I saw that word that I only kinda sorta know what it is. Something about rock and gas? Wasn't there some movie about people who can light their tap water on fire? In fairness, we can do that here in Worcester and I'm pretty sure there's no fracking going on. I decided to look up what it really is, and this is what I found: "A slang term for hydraulic fracturing. Fracking refers to the procedure of creating fractures in rocks and rock formations by injecting fluid into cracks to force them further open. The larger fissures allow more oil and gas to flow out of the formation and into the wellbore, from where it can be extracted."

 As soon as I read that, I had an epiphany. A real epiphany. THIS is what has been keeping me up at night. Injecting fluid (in this case Sam's Club generic infant formula) to tap into a reserve of natural gas (in this case the large intestine of my offspring) that then flows out of the formation (read: a butt) from where it can be extracted from a newborn sized Pampers Swaddler??? Story of my life right now! You see, I have spent the past week awake every morning at 5 am while my infant taps into her own store of natural gas. Who knew a nine pound baby could harbor so much methane? Who knew that it could erupt in such a manner that it could jolt me out of a two-Unisom coma? And most importantly, who knew that the Sierra Club would take such a huge interest in infant flatulence?

 How can I make this stop???? Because honestly, losing two hours of sleep every single day of my life is a little bit more concerning that global warming. Glaciers, or a well rested Mary-Ellen? I think it's obvious which is more important. Besides, if there were no glaciers, the Titanic never would have sunk and Leonardo DiCaprio would still be alive. Think about THAT for a minute and tell me you're still against global warming. Yeah, I thought so.