Smells Like School Spirit- and Mildew

To say that this sums up my life would be the UNDERSTATEMENT of the decade.  Seriously.  I know everyone says "Oh yeah, me too!" but seriously.  I see all of you out there, showered, driving around to run errands, houses decorated, cooking food.  I do NONE of those things.  A "real" day for me consists of getting out of sweatpants long enough to wander to my husband's office to beg him to order lunch AND dinner because it's 10 am so it's clearly too late to go to the grocery store.  His office is 100 yards away, but it takes me 45 minutes to get there.  As soon as I get home, I strip off the jeans and hooded sweatshirt (too formal) and go right for my "uniform" of school sweatpants and a school t-shirt.  Because as long as you have school spirit, you can't be underdressed.  Right?  Right????

Sometimes I look at the clock and it's noon- and Meredith is wearing pants (pajama pants were peed on) slippers, pajama top, princess dress, Mardi Gras beads and a boa.  You know- you've seen the pictures.  And that's when I think "Geez, what in the hell have I accomplished today???"  The answer is:  Looked at 40 pictures of Kate Middleton from some charity event on another continent, researched those girdle things you wear to try to make your stomach go back to normal after a baby, cry, ate Fun Dip, cried again, spent 45 minutes looking for a roll of scotch tape, googled "scotch tape" to figure out if it's from Scotland, called husband 56 times to beg for Dunks coffee, put laundry in the washer that I will remember six days later and have to rewash 40 times to get the mildew smell out, walked around checking for offensive smell of unknown origin- sprayed liberally with Lysol and hope it goes away, and finally, passed out on the couch.  Usually I wake up four or five hours later.  Sometimes Meredith is still there, other times I have to spend a hour trying to figure out where she is.  Usually she's just rooting around under the kitchen sink, looking for some Raid to huff.

But at least I clean, right?  No.  At least I cook, right?  No.  At least I do laundry, right?  No.  I don't clean unless you call and say you're coming over.  I eat in a dining hall, and I pay for a laundry service that washes, folds and irons our clothes (only $45 a month, so BEST DEAL EVER).  I do shop, but I make Tim drive me, pay, and unload the car.  Come on, I'm pregnant!  I shouldn't be walking, driving, bathing, calling in food orders or lifting anything of any size!

You know what I bet is really going to help this problem?  Having ANOTHER baby.  I'm sure that with twice as many kids, I'll be twice as productive, right?  Hahahaha-  I cannot even imagine what in the hell is about to go down. God help me.