Bank Error in Your Favor, Lose Two Pounds!!!

I basically want to punch everyone I see today- except my child, who is actually really sweet and cute this morning.  Almost like she can sense that I will LOSE MY SH!T if there are any shenanigans.  As I've mentioned in 9,000 posts already, I am either about to give birth any minute now, or in three weeks.  AND I'M OVER IT.  I just got back from my 38 week appointment, and I even wanted to punch the nurse, who is probably the nicest nurse I've ever had.

Well, I wanted to punch her until she weighed me.  And then I wanted to punch the scale.  When I was sitting back in the exam room, she went to enter my info into the computer.  AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

A typo.

Not much of a typo, but she accidentally shaved two pounds off of my real weight.  Two pounds doesn't sound like a big deal to you, unless you live in fear of being accidentally harpooned by a Japanese trawler, as I do.  TWO POUNDS.  I captialize that to emphasize how amazing it is.  If you tell me I should have corrected her, I will come over there and punch you.

When the midwife came in, she said "Well, looks like you've lost a few pounds since your last appointment."  I looked that woman right in the eye and said "I've been getting some exercise lately, so that's probably helped."  I have absolutely no idea where those words came from.  They just flowed out of my mouth without hesitation or forethought.  And they were a huge lie.  Exercise?  What in the hell does that word even mean?  I don't know anymore, and I certainly haven't been doing any.  In the past few days, I've eaten three pints of Ben and Jerry's, hibachi, boneless wings, pizza, a ceasar salad with fried calamari, a giant cannoli, several envelopes of Fun Dip, and an entire gallon of orange juice.  I went three whole days without leaving the house except to eat.  I did walk the length of Target and back once- just far enough to get the largest bottle of Tums that they sell.  But I hardly think that constitutes exercise.

But you know what?  That number is in my permanent medical record now.  It is FACT, even if it's an typo.  If you can't achieve something based on your own merits, the second best way is via typo- trust me on that.  They can never take that away from you once it's in that computer.  Wasn't there a pre-crack Whitney Houston song about this?  I think so- I'm going to google it as soon as I'm done with this pizza.