I'll take ten pairs of these please:
You know you're about to have a baby when you make a shopping list and the first thing you write down is "granny panties, two packages." Are there no end to the indignities when giving birth? Is it so bad that we really must resort to jumbo underwear? The answer is YES. During my first delivery, I believe that my room was mopped THREE times in one night. I don't even know what they were mopping up, either. And I don't want to know. Some questions are best left unanswered.
Have you ever been to the dentist and they give you those special glasses so you can watch movies? I want those for all but the last 3 minutes. And I want my labor and delivery to last 10 minutes total once I get to the hospital, so I want to watch 7 minutes of a good movie before the kid pops out. I don't think that's too much to ask. I actually think it should be Braveheart- the part where his face is painted and he's riding back and forth saying "they may take our lives, but they'll never take our FREEDOM!!!" Which is also strangely ironic, since your kids will take your lives AND your freedom. But take heart, you will gain at least 10 pairs of granny panties- which will also function as birth control for the foreseeable future. I wonder if Fruit of the Loom gets a kickback from the health insurance companies for that...
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